marriage Posts

A Love Letter to my Husband

love

The happiest day of my life was the day I walked down the aisle to meet you. That day was a little shy of 5 months ago and not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about the moment I became yours.

In 5 months, I have learned a lot- about who I am, about who you are and about who we want to be together.

These months have been beautiful, inspiring, eye-opening and hard.

Nothing really prepared us for marriage aside from being in love and knowing we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We read a few books, received advice from friends and family and discussed our future quite regularly, but nothing really prepared us for marriage itself.

I can be a very difficult person. I’m selfish and stubborn. I’m an expert at stonewalling and I often don’t know how to apologize. You are loving and kind. You’re everything I’m not.

When you commit your life to someone, it’s easy to hope for rainbows. Rainbows come after storms, however, and storms are necessary. We live in a world where our lives our captured by a perfectly-cropped photo on social media. The outside world sees a happy couple, not ever knowing the argument that ensued ten minutes after the photo was posted.

Behind closed doors exists reality. A harsh one sometimes. A reality that mimics our dreams in some circumstances and our nightmares in others. Anger is just as real as happiness. Jealousy, the same as love. They are all emotions that come to play, some we wish to invite over more frequently than others.

5 months ago, I made the decision to share my life with you. A decision that I did not make lightly.

Marriage is hard for lots of reasons. Two very different people are attempting to forge one life together. It’s only natural that sometimes I’ll go left, and you’ll go right. The important part is that we find ourselves on the same path once again. Sometimes, words are not easy to find. I have to think and think some more, making you feel like I don’t care. Thinking is my coping mechanism.

A messy side of the bed. Harsh words. Insecurity. These things come with “I do”. It’s a package deal. When my parents got divorced when I was 18, it hurt me immensely. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to trust my future spouse and to this day, I struggle with this. Things happen to us that unfortunately screw us up. Only time can truly heal all of my wounds.

You are my person. I knew you were different the moment I met you. You’re still different. And weird. And awkward. And that’s what I love about you. I’ve been looking at your imperfections through a microscope, picking apart everything that frustrates me. The problem with a microscope is that I’ve missed the big picture- you as my loving, adoring and capable husband.

I doubt and I worry, and I can promise you that won’t change. If I could change it, I would have done so. My own mind can be a prison at times. I pray for you to be patient with me.

I know we’re not alone. I know that behind many smiles are real, hurting couples. Couples that are experiencing the same journey as us.

I knew marriage wasn’t going to be easy, nor should it be. If it was easy, we wouldn’t have to fight for each other each day. I want to fight for you. Every day.

This has been a difficult week for us. We’re tired and we’re stressed, but more importantly, we’re each other’s rock. I won’t let you sink, and I know you’ll do the same for me.

I married you for lots of reasons, but here’s the most important: you see me. All of my fears and failures and successes and dreams. You see me like no one else ever has or ever will. You know my heart.

Our marriage is worth every good time and bad. It’s imperfect because it involves two imperfect people.

I love you. Today and every day.

Inked

tattoo

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3

IMG_0830

This weekend, I got a tattoo.

Wedding Photos Sneak Peek

wedding photos

Yesterday, I received an email that I have been waiting weeks to receive.

Our wedding photos have arrived.

Our wedding day felt like a moment. We both tried so hard to take in every second, but it was impossible. The entire day felt like an out-of-body experience.

These photos will allow us to relive our favorite day forever. A chance to transport ourselves into a moment of pure bliss- a second in time where two became one:

I’m Going to be a Wife

wife

In a few short weeks, I’m getting married. That’s no surprise to me and probably no surprise to you. I’ve been engaged for almost 7 months and have attempted to prepare myself for marriage the best way I know how.

Marriage is a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around- it is so complex. Everything, yet nothing changes. Scott and I will eventually come back to Portland to our same apartment and live in a relatively similar way to when we were engaged. Sure, we’ll file our taxes together next year and join our bank accounts, but many of the little things will be the same.

We’ll still talk about our days when one of us gets home. We’ll still snuggle on the couch. We’ll still have disagreements. But, holy crap, we’ll be married.

Throughout my engagement, I’ve had the mindset of gaining a husband. I gained a fiancé who will eventually be my husband. I’ll have a husband who will take care of me and who will be there for me. I’ve been hiding behind the security blanket of what I’ll be getting instead of who I’ll be becoming.

It wasn’t until (very) recently that I had the realization of I’m going to be a wife. I’m going to be Scott’s partner who he looks to for help and support and friendship and love. I’m going to be transported into a whole new realm, introduced as “my wife” at dinner parties, forever seen as one of a joint unit.

All the Pretty Little Details: Bridal Shower

bridal shower

Earlier this month, my beautiful Maid of Honor, Kaylyn, and my mom hosted what can only be described as the perfect bridal shower. It was an afternoon filled with delightful women, selections of tea, and delicious food.

bridal shower bridal shower IMG_3864 bridal shower