In a few short weeks, I’m getting married. That’s no surprise to me and probably no surprise to you. I’ve been engaged for almost 7 months and have attempted to prepare myself for marriage the best way I know how.
Marriage is a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around- it is so complex. Everything, yet nothing changes. Scott and I will eventually come back to Portland to our same apartment and live in a relatively similar way to when we were engaged. Sure, we’ll file our taxes together next year and join our bank accounts, but many of the little things will be the same.
We’ll still talk about our days when one of us gets home. We’ll still snuggle on the couch. We’ll still have disagreements. But, holy crap, we’ll be married.
Throughout my engagement, I’ve had the mindset of gaining a husband. I gained a fiancé who will eventually be my husband. I’ll have a husband who will take care of me and who will be there for me. I’ve been hiding behind the security blanket of what I’ll be getting instead of who I’ll be becoming.
It wasn’t until (very) recently that I had the realization of I’m going to be a wife. I’m going to be Scott’s partner who he looks to for help and support and friendship and love. I’m going to be transported into a whole new realm, introduced as “my wife” at dinner parties, forever seen as one of a joint unit.
The weight of being a wife is heavy. I’m nervous. I want to live up to every wifely expectation without being a slave to the status quo. I want to be fun, yet responsible and charming, yet strong.
I want to be a best friend and a confidante and a movie date. All this time, I thought that I would be giving all those things up to become a wife. In reality, I can still be all of those things and a wife simultaneously.
Marriage doesn’t really change anything, but it enhances everything.
Marriage is not intended to be a fantasyland. It’s not intended to be perfect. Marriage is about doing real life with the person you cannot live without. There will still be dirty dishes and mistakes and worries, but there will be a new life, a new beginning.
Am I ready to be a wife? I don’t know.
Am I ready to be a best friend, lover and adventure partner? Yes.
Life is all about perspective. I have learned so much about myself and who I am and who I want to be in these last few months. For my marriage, I’m changing the perspective. Becoming a wife will be a bonus to all of the other things that I want to be for both Scott and myself.
Maybe you’re not ready to be a mother, but you’re ready to open up your heart to another human being.
Maybe you’re not ready to be a CEO, but you’re ready to lead others to be successful.
Maybe you’re not ready to be a college graduate, but you’re ready to take the world by storm.
Sometimes, it’s only the title that scares us. Deep down, we have the abilities and the skills and the motivation, but the title paralyzes us. Change your perspective.
I’m going to be a wife, but I’m going to be everything and more too. And I couldn’t be more ready for that.