5 Steps to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy

own worst enemy

I’ve never been a “glass half full” kind of girl. I’m not even a “glass half empty” kind of girl. I’m more “why is the glass full of water instead of wine?” kind of girl.

I like to consider myself a realist, but that’s a word pessimists created to make themselves feel less cynical about life.

I used to embrace how indifferent I can be towards people and situations. I used to be proud of myself for putting up walls and shutting everyone out, because I am more concerned with protecting myself than going all in.

Sometimes, I purposely don’t let myself feel happy, because in some twisted way, I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like if I’m happy for more than 2 seconds, some evil in the universe will rain on my parade and laugh in my face.

I am my own worst enemy.

I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t reserved with my feelings. I don’t remember a time when  I didn’t think this person/friend/boyfriend is ultimately going to let me down. I don’t remember a time when I haven’t convinced myself that I’m not good enough.

I am my own worst enemy.

I’m tired of feeling this way. I used to think maybe I was depressed, but the way I’m feeling is a choice (as much as it doesn’t feel like one, I know deep down that it is).

I can choose to be happier. I can choose to love my fiancé wholeheartedly. I can choose to feel blessed by each day, and I can choose to accept myself for exactly who I am.

Today, I am no longer my own worst enemy. Today is the day when I stop shutting people out and start letting people in.

These are the 5 steps I’m going to take:

5. I will stop criticizing myself

I’m going to stop looking in the mirror, feeling disgusted by my appearance. I’m going to tell myself that I am beautiful and strong and smart and blessed.

I will stop criticizing where life has taken me. I thought I was going to be an Accountant, but instead, I fold sweaters. And for now, I need to embrace that.

I will stop telling myself that I’m not good enough.

4. I will stop sabotaging relationships

I will let people love me and I will love them back with no strings or conditions.

Protecting yourself from love is one of the cruelest things you can do to yourself. Not accepting love from someone because they may let you down or break up with you is like never applying for a job because you may get fired or never getting on an airplane because it may crash. Bad things happen, but they happen less frequently than the good. Let love in.

3. I will stop believing lies that I’ve created

The following is a confession of thoughts I’ve had very recently:

“If Scott isn’t cheating on me now, he will.”

“My family is really disappointed in me because I don’t have a high paying job.”

“I’m fat and ugly.”

“I am worthless.”

None of the above is true, but I’ve told myself these lies so many times, that it has become the truth in my own head.

I will start replacing these lies with truths:

“Scott loves me more than anyone on this planet.”

“My family is proud of me no matter what job I have. They love me unconditionally.”

“I am beautiful, inside and out.”

“I have so much to offer.”

2. I will stop being content with feeling sad/depressed

Sometimes, it’s easier for me to be in a bad mood than it is for me to be happy. Sometimes, feeling indifferent is peaceful. If I just don’t care, then I can’t get hurt.

Indifference is dangerous. It’s an evil emotion that despite being neutral in definition, is exceedingly negative to the spirit.

I will stop being indifferent about my life and relationships and instead, love myself and others like there’s no tomorrow.

1. I will stop worrying about what everyone else thinks

I will stop being paranoid that everyone thinks I’m weird or annoying or pathetic. I will stop changing who I am because someone might like me a little better.

I will confidently eat lunch alone in the mall, because no one is secretly laughing at me for doing so.

I will make decisions based on what is best for me, not to please others.


If I have to repeat these 5 steps like a mantra every day, I will. I know this isn’t going to be easy and I’ll probably mess up a lot, but changing how I do life is going to take some time. Changing how I operate in relationships is going to take work.

If you feel like the only person who’s holding you back is you, then I encourage you to follow these steps. Don’t let yourself get in the way of reaching your fullest potential. Don’t let yourself dictate what you can and can’t do.

Get out of your own head and embrace yourself and life.

Love yourself and love others.

Let yourself be loved.

“The opposite of love is indifference.” – The Lumineers

21 Comments

Whitney

about 4 years ago

Thank you so much for your brave and honest post, though I am just finding it months after the fact, it is saying so much of what I have been battling with in my head. I recognize I am the one making my reality so miserable. Anytime someone believes in me or supports me I think less of them for being so deceived and that they will soon find out that I am just great at not showing my faults/truths. These cycles of self sabotage/self loathing need to stop and I am grateful for you to acknowledge this so that I could find it at a time of need. Thank you and keep up the good work at becoming a better friend to yourself :) Best, Whitney

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Danielle McRae

about 4 years ago

Hi Whitney! Thank YOU for your honesty and for having the courage to share. I am so happy that this post could help you. Since writing it, I have definitely noticed a change in myself. Yes, I still have days where I think negatively about my body, self-worth, etc., but it has certainly gotten better since I realized that I was the one making myself miserable (just like you said!) Thanks for reading, and I wish you all the best. -Danielle

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Angela Baskette

about 3 years ago

Well it's funny u say all these things about giving in to love cause I finally gave in trusted my friend we got married had it all but old dogs don't learn new tricks and I say that cause I thought when he married me it was over all the other women but it still happened it's funny cause feb 15 we were in bed he gets a text from. Danielle she thought it was cute to tell him to tell me it's a guy!!! I've loved Christian with all I am I've stood by him loved him through all the crap but some men can't be satisfied I've always pulled the weight never complained but when u mess with a woman's heart and soul her husband or kids it tends to get ugly especially when u know him so well u know the moment it happens it hurts so bad to know he had this relationship still came home kissed me loved me made love to me like I was still his one and only I needed him more than ever the last 5 months. He turned on me like a snake in the grass he purposely ran my bills up to talk to a sleeze online he walked out left me with no food no heat no job I've always worked my butt off to make them happy now I'm sitting here wondering y and how did I put my guard down so much to let him take everything I worked for to give them and knock me down never acts like he has a conscious a heart not the loving kind wonderful man I married be careful cause God don't bring two people together when one is still married he don't work that way 8 yrs I wasted believing he was finally my man all mine to find out that some whore tore us apart

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Brenda

about 2 years ago

I relate to everything you said. You put things I feel into words .what you said about being afraid to be happy because your afraid that something will mess it up. I use to be strong minded but since I became some kind of addict I am not the same girl. I am weak and I'm almost to the point that I just give up; I'm not strong anymore. I'm too weak minded. I've almost lost interest in the craving for knowledge I once had in learning how to self help my self and use the cognitive thinking tricks to stop being my own worst enemy. I'm to much stuck in my own head and excessively aware of every single thought,emotion and feeling I have going on in my head; I hate so much being stuck like that. at one time I thought my add drugs made it so I could walk 5 miles stuck in my own head locked in with my thoughts but that has too lost my interest.

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Karen

about 2 years ago

I just found this post and it has given me a perspective about myself. Thank you

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Danielle

about 2 years ago

Thank you for reading, Karen :)

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Latoya

about 4 years ago

It's feel so good to know that someone else can relate to how I feel. Thank you for this post and tips to start loving and accepting love from ourselves (1st and foremost) and others. Leaving the lies I've told myself and past hurts behind...slowly, but surely :)

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Danielle McRae

about 4 years ago

Hi Latoya! Thank you for your comment. Since writing this post, I have learned that many people are struggling with this same issue. I still have good days and bad days, but I am striving to live more optimistically each and every day. I wish you all the best!

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Trisha

about 4 years ago

I am so grateful this was the 3rd link that popped up on my google search. Obviously we all feel less crazy after finding this post. And though I know a few people who think similarly, finding this written out the way you did makes me feel insanely better. It's these little moments where you find community that make it feel possible to stop the ridiculousness (in my head). And like you, and probably most, admitting it isn't the problem at all. I can admit how lame it is I think certain things. Self awareness Isn't hard. It's the fixing it and actually MOVING on. (If I could afford therapy I would so be there.) I'm on board w the mantra. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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Danielle McRae

about 4 years ago

Hi Trisha! Thanks for the comment. I absolutely agree that finding community is a great first step to living a healthier life, especially mentally and emotionally. I'm always here to talk if you need a support system, and I wish you all the best in your journey to a more positive YOU.

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Nanny

about 3 years ago

To My Dear Granddaughter, Since I am so new to the world of technology, I am only now finding Your posts on FB. Look at me using "techy" terms! Even though I have just begun to read them (I have many more to go) I had to write you to say how proud of you I am. Of course, I have told you that since you were born! One day I find things on FB then when I try to find it again I can't, but I don't give up! I am determined to learn and squash the saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". I look forward to reading more of your blogs (there I go again using my new words). Sometimes I feel like a first grader, who just read her first "Dick and Jane" book. Do they even still read those books??? Danielle, continue to be the diamond you are meant to be, brightly shining and unbreakable. Love, love, love you, Nan

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Anon

about 3 years ago

Sitting in front of computer and reading myself -- Story of my life

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Danielle

about 3 years ago

Hi Anon, thank you for your comment. I wish you all the best in working through these issues. It can be tough, but there are lots of us out there who can offer support.

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Kelli

about 3 years ago

This really helped me today. Thank you :)

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Danielle

about 3 years ago

Kelli, I'm glad. Thanks so much for reading.

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ARM

about 3 years ago

This is exactly what I've been feeling my whole life. Thank you.

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kathryn

about 3 years ago

Hi, This is a really nice post. I feel exactly all those feelings. They come from my sucky parents. I wasnt allowed to be happy, to feel feelings. I came to mistrust those closest to me because my parents are so untrustworthy. I ask god, universe and everyone to let me know that trust and loyalty i can have with my sinificant other.

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Thisisme

about 3 years ago

Sums me up, Little by little Day by day I will love me One day

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Michael Siler

about 2 years ago

Thank you for your post. I have been needing some help for a lone time than I'd like to admit. Your bravery encourages me.

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Gabriel

about 2 years ago

Thanks, u spoke for so many of us addicts. (Heroi. Is my downfall) Sincerely yours, GABE

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