A Love Letter to my Husband

love

The happiest day of my life was the day I walked down the aisle to meet you. That day was a little shy of 5 months ago and not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about the moment I became yours.

In 5 months, I have learned a lot- about who I am, about who you are and about who we want to be together.

These months have been beautiful, inspiring, eye-opening and hard.

Nothing really prepared us for marriage aside from being in love and knowing we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We read a few books, received advice from friends and family and discussed our future quite regularly, but nothing really prepared us for marriage itself.

I can be a very difficult person. I’m selfish and stubborn. I’m an expert at stonewalling and I often don’t know how to apologize. You are loving and kind. You’re everything I’m not.

When you commit your life to someone, it’s easy to hope for rainbows. Rainbows come after storms, however, and storms are necessary. We live in a world where our lives our captured by a perfectly-cropped photo on social media. The outside world sees a happy couple, not ever knowing the argument that ensued ten minutes after the photo was posted.

Behind closed doors exists reality. A harsh one sometimes. A reality that mimics our dreams in some circumstances and our nightmares in others. Anger is just as real as happiness. Jealousy, the same as love. They are all emotions that come to play, some we wish to invite over more frequently than others.

5 months ago, I made the decision to share my life with you. A decision that I did not make lightly.

Marriage is hard for lots of reasons. Two very different people are attempting to forge one life together. It’s only natural that sometimes I’ll go left, and you’ll go right. The important part is that we find ourselves on the same path once again. Sometimes, words are not easy to find. I have to think and think some more, making you feel like I don’t care. Thinking is my coping mechanism.

A messy side of the bed. Harsh words. Insecurity. These things come with “I do”. It’s a package deal. When my parents got divorced when I was 18, it hurt me immensely. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to trust my future spouse and to this day, I struggle with this. Things happen to us that unfortunately screw us up. Only time can truly heal all of my wounds.

You are my person. I knew you were different the moment I met you. You’re still different. And weird. And awkward. And that’s what I love about you. I’ve been looking at your imperfections through a microscope, picking apart everything that frustrates me. The problem with a microscope is that I’ve missed the big picture- you as my loving, adoring and capable husband.

I doubt and I worry, and I can promise you that won’t change. If I could change it, I would have done so. My own mind can be a prison at times. I pray for you to be patient with me.

I know we’re not alone. I know that behind many smiles are real, hurting couples. Couples that are experiencing the same journey as us.

I knew marriage wasn’t going to be easy, nor should it be. If it was easy, we wouldn’t have to fight for each other each day. I want to fight for you. Every day.

This has been a difficult week for us. We’re tired and we’re stressed, but more importantly, we’re each other’s rock. I won’t let you sink, and I know you’ll do the same for me.

I married you for lots of reasons, but here’s the most important: you see me. All of my fears and failures and successes and dreams. You see me like no one else ever has or ever will. You know my heart.

Our marriage is worth every good time and bad. It’s imperfect because it involves two imperfect people.

I love you. Today and every day.

Portland Update: One Year

portland

Today, we celebrate living in Portland, Oregon for ONE YEAR. A year ago, we ended our epic, cross-country road trip and finally arrived home.

It definitely seems unreal. I keep thinking that there’s no way that I’ve lived across the country from everything and everyone I know for an entire year. But, I have. And, I’m so happy.

The best way I can describe how I feel about Portland is this: When I visited for the first time in March of 2013, I felt as though I had found something that I had been missing my whole life. All of a sudden and very overwhelmingly, I felt home in a way I never felt in Florida.

Very few people are actually from Portland. Most of us are transplants- coming from all over the United States to experience this same feeling- a feeling of peace, wonder, acceptance and adventure.

I wake up every day with bountiful thankfulness. I don’t know why I’ve been so blessed to have the opportunity to live here, but I know it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Inked

tattoo

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3

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This weekend, I got a tattoo.

The Vegan Diaries Part III

vegan

We did it! Scott and I successfully “went vegan” for 3 weeks. This challenge was eye-opening in many ways, and I’m so appreciative of the supportive comments and to those of you that made more meat-less food choices these last few weeks in support of it.

Eating a vegan diet is not something I ever thought I would do. I thought people that didn’t eat meat were crazy/trendy/hippies/etc. The entirety of the idea didn’t make sense to me. Come on guys, how can you say no to bacon?

Completing this challenge has been one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. It has completely revolutionized how I look at food- what’s good for me, not good for me, what this ingredient means and what gives me energy. I’m reading labels instead of blindly throwing things in the cart. I’m passing on foods with ingredient lists miles long. I’m more conscientious of my daily choices.

The Good:

Since eating vegan, I haven’t been sick once. This is such a testament, it’s hard for me to put into words. I have struggled with intestinal issues for so long that it has become normal for me to be woken at 2am by debilitating stomach cramps- sitting in the bathroom for hours wondering what I did to deserve feeling that sick.

I feel empowered knowing that my previous diet was causing these problems. I have the power to be healthy, eat clean and take back my life. I’m grateful. 

Vegan Smoothie

vegan smoothie

Well friends, we successfully made it to Friday. Hallelujah. This week has been a little crazy for me. Mostly good crazy, but crazy nonetheless. I’ll be sharing all that’s new in my life soon!

What’s new with you? Any exciting plans for the weekend?

Before you get too excited, here’s an awesome vegan smoothie recipe for you. I’ve been making this for breakfast most mornings, but it’s perfect for an anytime snack too!

Recipe adapted from Ambitious Kitchen

Blueberry Breakfast Smoothie (1 serving)

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup blueberries (fresh or frozen)
  • 1/2 cup strawberries (fresh or frozen)
  • 1 banana (fresh or frozen)
  • 1 cup unsweetened almond milk
  • 1 cup spinach
  • 1 tsp chia seeds (optional; great source of Omega-3)